When I was younger, all of my products were so darn cute. Vials of juicy lip gloss, little pots of body shimmer, mascara in a hot pink tube. My skin was so dewy and acne-free (thank you, youth and birth control, respectively) that I could buy things just because they were fun and/or cheap.

Now in middle age, I live for the functional and utilitarian—products that are no fuss, effective, and, if I’m being honest, a little unsexy. They don’t look gorgeous lined up on your bathroom counter or peeking out of your purse, but they keep my middle-aged bod feeling good, inside and out.

1. Pepto Bismol Chewables ($5.99 CAD): Ah, my twenties. A carefree time when I had the rectal integrity of, well, a twenty year old. Sadly, middle age ushered in endometriosis, IBS, and an inexplicable sensitivity to lobster. Thus, Pepto came into my life to soothe my roiling guts and prevent me from pooping my pants in public. Related: the Pepto-to-go travel rolls live in all of my purses and bags.
2. Life 3-in-1 Digital TENS ($124.99 CAD): In the throes of hideous period pain, I was scrolling through Dr. Jen Gunter’s blog for answers when I came across an old post suggesting TENS as a therapy for persistent pain after a c-section. I wasn’t recovering from a c-section, but TENS was a gamechanger for my pain. There are cute little units and expensive wireless units, but I’ve been using this basic one for years. TENS isn’t for everyone (my husband thinks it feels weird), so your mileage may vary. However, I am a convert and have become a TENS pusher to anyone who has muscle pain or period cramps.
3. Finishing Touch Flawless Pedi ($32.97 CAD): Okay, maybe this one looks kind of sexy (it has vibrator energy), but once the dead skin dust starts flying off of your feet, it’s decidedly less so. I have this exact one and love that it charges with a USB and that you can press as hard as you want (some have guards that stop you from doing that, and those are for cowards).
4. Adapalene 0.1% acne cream: This is a gentle topical retinoid that helped clear up (most of) my adult acne. My doctor prescribed it for me and the cost is covered by my workplace insurance. There was a brief purging period when things got worse before they got better, but then it really started working. Ask your doc!
5. Ebanel 40% urea cream plus 2% salicylic acid ($39 CAD): I slather this on my elbows, knees, and heels. Bonus marks if you buy a pair of these creepy lil socks and pad around your bedroom in them after lotioning up.
6. Hydralyte electrolyte sticks ($19.49 CAD): When I was young, I barely drank water, let alone water with electrolytes stirred into it, but these have been a great addition to my life. Drank two glasses of wine instead of one? Weeded the garden too hard? Ate some lobster and barfed? Get those electrolytes into you. Less sugar than a Gatorade and easier to throw in your bag, these are a good way to rehydrate in a pinch. Bonus tip from a friend of mine: stash some Pedialyte pops in the freezer for sick days.
7. Ovol ultra strength chewables ($10.49 CAD): I got some Ovol on the recommendation of my gyno before my hysterectomy and it is a now life staple. Great for bloating, trapped gas, etc. But listen, you must get the Ultra chewables. There is some magic alchemy in the formulation that makes them better than the regular strength, liquid capsules, or simethicone formulations from other brands.
8. Rexall epsom salts, 4 kg ($20 CAD): I love a gorgeous bath salt as much as the next gal, but what am I, a millionaire? I buy these big ol’ containers and soak my cares/sore muscles away at an accessible price point.
9. Beesalene Original Petroleum Jelly Alternative ($20 CAD): I am on the hunt for an alternative to my previously beloved Aquaphor because I am shifting to products not tested on animals/from ethical parent companies. This is on my to-buy list, so I’m optimistically adding it in place of Aquaphor (which is a current staple). Note that this product contains beeswax and thus is not vegan, but they do have a vegan version.

What are your unsexy essentials? I’d love to expand my collection.